Confession: I'm a little type A. At least when it comes to spending my time with Jesus. I like to have a study plan, set out a time, and get to it. Well the last couple of months I have been all over the place when it comes spending time with Him. Because here is my thing: I want the Spirit to lead me on where to read. I want to go where He leads me in The Word. But I have discovered something, He is ALL over The Word. No matter what He tells or doesn't tell me to read, He is still in there. He will give me revelation and what I need out of that chapter that I am reading. So with knowing that in my heart I start on Philippians chapter 1.
I have been reading the same chapter for a couple of days, just praying through it. And to be honest, sometimes it is hard to read the same thing over and over again. Because I think that I am going to be bored. But that it what is so great about our God, He OPENS our eyes, He REVEALS words and phrases to us that we have read for 3 days or longer! And that is exactly what He did to me this morning...
So here is the background... Paul is in prison. That is nothing really new to us. He is writing to the church in the city of Philippi. He tells them that while He is in prison, that the gospel is going forth. Even the palace guards heard as to why he was in chains, and most of them who are followers of Christ became more confident and bold to preach the gospel. Paul also says that there are people who preach the gospel in envy and strife while others from goodwill. But Paul doesn't care who is preaching and what there intentions are, just as long as the gospel is being preached. He makes a statement " I am appointed for the defense of the gospel".
This statement sparked something in me. Am I defensive about the gospel?
1. De-fen-sive: used or intended to defend or protect.
(Does not mean that you have to use any sort of violence or slander, that is not Gods heart anyway)
Do I take a stand and ensure that I protect something that is some important to me?
Do I really live a life where I am sharing the gospel to the "palace guards"?
We ARE appointed and anointed to share this good news, and to protect it.
So...Do you defend the gospel? Do you make ABBA known?.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Monday, August 31, 2015
Jump.
So a couple of weeks ago, I ask The Lord to give me dreams. I prayed and said "Lord, if you give me dreams I will write them down." And of course, He starts to give me dreams. One dream, however, stood out to me. Here was the dream: me and some of my friends were on this rock (kind of like the one off the lion king) and when we looked down we saw a field of just green grass, tall green grass. So we each took each others hands, looked around and smiled. Then...we jumped. And of course I woke up.
This dream has been on my mind since I woke up from it. I have been asking The Lord what it means, and I know I haven't gotten the full interpretation as of yet. But what I do know about this dream is that this was a transition in all of our lives. We could have decided to get scared and to back out of jumping, but NO, we were excited. We grabbed hands and went for it. We jumped into the tall grass without a second thought.
The reason why I decided to bring this up was for this reason: if God is bringing you into a new season then hesitate? Why don't we just jump. If we really know who Jesus is, and who we are in Him, then why are we scared? We know He works ALL THINGS for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). We know that He is able to do more than we can even think or ask (Ephesians 3:20). So then, why don't we jump? If we know these truths, and we know our identity in Christ, then we should be excited. We should just jump, even if the season is crappy. Because ya know what, I know my dad, and He takes care of me, in every season. He doesn't stop loving me because a new season of life starts, He is right there. Now, He may be present in different ways in different seasons, but He is there! So today I want to encourage you (and myself) to jump. To trust that YOUR dad, the One who made you, knows how to take care of you in the season you are in, or the one you are about to jump into.
Jump in faith.
Jump in obedience.
Jump in love.
This dream has been on my mind since I woke up from it. I have been asking The Lord what it means, and I know I haven't gotten the full interpretation as of yet. But what I do know about this dream is that this was a transition in all of our lives. We could have decided to get scared and to back out of jumping, but NO, we were excited. We grabbed hands and went for it. We jumped into the tall grass without a second thought.
The reason why I decided to bring this up was for this reason: if God is bringing you into a new season then hesitate? Why don't we just jump. If we really know who Jesus is, and who we are in Him, then why are we scared? We know He works ALL THINGS for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). We know that He is able to do more than we can even think or ask (Ephesians 3:20). So then, why don't we jump? If we know these truths, and we know our identity in Christ, then we should be excited. We should just jump, even if the season is crappy. Because ya know what, I know my dad, and He takes care of me, in every season. He doesn't stop loving me because a new season of life starts, He is right there. Now, He may be present in different ways in different seasons, but He is there! So today I want to encourage you (and myself) to jump. To trust that YOUR dad, the One who made you, knows how to take care of you in the season you are in, or the one you are about to jump into.
Jump in faith.
Jump in obedience.
Jump in love.
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Let it all go.
I have had these thoughts for a while.
These ideas for a while.
The thoughts of "this would be longer than ___ characters".
My thought is worship. True, abandoned worship. And what that actually means. Not just the normal Sunday morning, but the worship you give your Creator before you are about to leave for work. The kind of worship that you give Him when you have had a bad day. Because He sees those efforts, He sees those moments when you could be complaining about your day, but instead you say "Jesus, You are wonderful". You declare who He is, and who You are in Him. That is hard to do sometimes, but its beautiful. It means something to Him. He hears you.
True worship has been on my mind a lot this week. What does it mean? How is it possible? Does it really work? The kind of worship where no one else in the world matters but Him. These questions just kept circling through my head over and over. Now don't get me wrong I love worship, I mean I truly love tell Jesus who He is! However, I thought that true, abandoned worship could happen to everyone but me. So then I had another question: how can people get that "type" of worship and not me? And yes I'm comparing myself to others (I'm still working on that). But what I have learned is that I wasn't giving God all that I had. It was always just half of what I was going through or half of myself. So earlier this week, way before the sunrise I worshiped. With all that I had. I had no bounds, no limits, just a line that I needed to cross. In that moment I noticed something: the more I was in His presence with all my crap, and all of my mess, the harder it was for me to leave. I could sit there all day, telling Him all the things I loved about Him, and not think that I had anything that I was hiding from Him.
After that I started to see how I could worship Him outside of my room, outside of my apartment. Because I had nothing to hide from Him it was easier to declare who He was throughout the day, to my friends, to people I encountered. And actually mean what I say. Because when you encounter Jesus in a real way, and with all that you have there is freedom.
So what if when we just want to have moment with Jesus, when we want to worship, that we give Him all we have, and just let Him take you where you were called to go? During that time with Jesus, in your room, with a group of people, in a coffee shop, you would just let go.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
The Battle..
This week.
There is no other word to describe it other than: hard.
Hard: requiring a great deal of endurance and effort.
Hard to maintain.
Hard to focus.
Hard to love, and feel love in return.
So you must understand my relief last night. Away from the week. Seemingly to be away from it all.
I, nor (I would guess), anyone would like to backslide. Even the word doesn't sound appealing. However that is what seemed to happen. The battle between keeping my eyes on The Lord, and listening to the devil was fought several times this week. Actually more than several.
Constantly.
Consistently.
However. 1 thing happened.
1 thing I needed.
Rebuke.
The rebuke of not loving.
The rebuke of complaining.
The rebuke of comparison.
Oh, how thankful I am for rebuke.
Oh, how thankful I am for the Holy Spirit.
Jesus, you still here. You still care.
Your still pursuing, still chasing after me.
Thank You.
Even when I thought I was alone, you was there.
Because thats the thing: you never leave.
The battle has been won.
Pick Jesus, every time. He is the only one who satisfies.
There is no other word to describe it other than: hard.
Hard: requiring a great deal of endurance and effort.
Hard to maintain.
Hard to focus.
Hard to love, and feel love in return.
So you must understand my relief last night. Away from the week. Seemingly to be away from it all.
I, nor (I would guess), anyone would like to backslide. Even the word doesn't sound appealing. However that is what seemed to happen. The battle between keeping my eyes on The Lord, and listening to the devil was fought several times this week. Actually more than several.
Constantly.
Consistently.
However. 1 thing happened.
1 thing I needed.
Rebuke.
The rebuke of not loving.
The rebuke of complaining.
The rebuke of comparison.
Oh, how thankful I am for rebuke.
Oh, how thankful I am for the Holy Spirit.
Jesus, you still here. You still care.
Your still pursuing, still chasing after me.
Thank You.
Even when I thought I was alone, you was there.
Because thats the thing: you never leave.
The battle has been won.
Pick Jesus, every time. He is the only one who satisfies.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
The Faithful One.
Whew.
Geez.
Blah.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
That is really how I feel.
in this moment.
in time.
this week.
right now.
Tears are flowing.
As always,
The norm.
Tears for me may not always be major, but its how I express myself.
Its how I show:
I care
I'm scared
I'm happy
I'm disappointed
I'm emotional
&& I'm sure If you have known me for a while. It seems like my tears are irrelevant.
But there not.
They mean something.
Something more than anyone will ever know.
And for me, just to stop crying and (suck it up) is not something that I can do overnight or a week. Its a long process for me to just up and stop something that I do a lot.
The reason that I cry so much is because I wasn't allowed to when I was younger. The only time I could cry would be because there was death in our family. Other than that tears were not permitted.
Now I cry all the time.
All. The. Time.
Its my way of processing, getting over, and trying to understand whats going on.
Here is where God comes in.
Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time.
that I cry God is always there. Always there to pick me up and hold me.
Reminding me that my reward is in Heaven and people are people.
What a beautiful God He really is.
This post was really suppose to be about my week, but things changed.
Beautiful God. Beautiful God.
When I think of how beautiful, marvelous, glorious, precious, etc. He is.
HE IS ALL OF THESE THINGS & MORE.
I am absolutely speechless by Him, all the time,
No matter how much, how hard, how ugly I cry, He is still there.
And He is still God.
That is what I have to put my trust in.
The faithful One.
Geez.
Blah.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
That is really how I feel.
in this moment.
in time.
this week.
right now.
Tears are flowing.
As always,
The norm.
Tears for me may not always be major, but its how I express myself.
Its how I show:
I care
I'm scared
I'm happy
I'm disappointed
I'm emotional
&& I'm sure If you have known me for a while. It seems like my tears are irrelevant.
But there not.
They mean something.
Something more than anyone will ever know.
And for me, just to stop crying and (suck it up) is not something that I can do overnight or a week. Its a long process for me to just up and stop something that I do a lot.
The reason that I cry so much is because I wasn't allowed to when I was younger. The only time I could cry would be because there was death in our family. Other than that tears were not permitted.
Now I cry all the time.
All. The. Time.
Its my way of processing, getting over, and trying to understand whats going on.
Here is where God comes in.
Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time.
that I cry God is always there. Always there to pick me up and hold me.
Reminding me that my reward is in Heaven and people are people.
What a beautiful God He really is.
This post was really suppose to be about my week, but things changed.
Beautiful God. Beautiful God.
When I think of how beautiful, marvelous, glorious, precious, etc. He is.
HE IS ALL OF THESE THINGS & MORE.
I am absolutely speechless by Him, all the time,
No matter how much, how hard, how ugly I cry, He is still there.
And He is still God.
That is what I have to put my trust in.
The faithful One.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Processing it all.
Well honest moment: I have neglected you blog. I love you. I really do. But sometimes I just forget!
Now. Now.
It is the start of the new year. 2015.....
2014 was a year of arguments, achievements, and encouragement. But I am so glad that it is over.
I went back to Onething this year.... and honestly am just now processing it all.
To all who don't know. Onething is a conference the last 4 days of the year in Kansas City, MO. There 30,000 lovers of Jesus come and worship, pray, and seek His face. You meet totally strangers, and yet siblings in Christ. Last year at Onething 2013, I got filled with the Holy Spirit and it was awesome. This is I was so anxious (in a good way) to be there and to just take time away from everything and devote those to Him, and to love those He loves. Here are just a few highlights from this year.
I. The edification and encouragement of the body- It always makes me so happy to think about people all over the world loving and seeking after Jesus. And to just look around and see 30,000 people worship, and praying to the same God that you are is so encouraging. You get to meet and talk to various amounts of people (from all over the world) and hear their testimony, and see what The Lord is doing in their heart! God is moving mightily through people's lives and I never really can see outside my bubble where I live until I go to Onething and talk to random but not so random strangers. During those 4 days I get to just bless other people by just listening to the heart of The Father.
II. Worship- I had to make this a section of its own. Worship there is so...AH! I feel completely undone when I worship there. Its loud, its powerful, its mighty. Also it is really cool to see other people undone during worship and worshiping the way they were created to. AH is all i can say....
III. Teachings- I honestly could just get encouraged by the teachings alone. So many speakers...so little time. The teachings that are always taught are always something that I need. God just seems to work like that. Because He is awesome. Also, there were breakout sessions that we amazing!!! I'm just gonna leave it there.
IV. Spontaneous meet ups- With a group of 30,000 charismatic Christians you never really know what is going to happen. One day after a session me and my best friend saw a group of people in a hallway just worshiping. So we stayed. It ended up being a wonderful worship set that no one saw coming. People just crying out to The Lord and thanking Him. It was great just being apart of something so random, yet something so beautiful.
I am sure that I could keep going on and on, but that is where I am going to leave that.
2015.
2015
2015.
In all honesty I have no idea what The Lord has for me this year, but I know a few things are promised:
Joy
Suffering
Arguments
Frustration
Bliss
Contentment
These things I know for sure.
But I am not scared....well kinda.
I think with me, its just looking to Jesus during these times. It is looking to the One that created me, shaped me, molded me, the One who knows everything about me, to see how to handle these moments.
So yeah.
I am leaving this year all up to God. Whatever He wants to say, whatever He wants to do. He can have His way.
Now. Now.
It is the start of the new year. 2015.....
2014 was a year of arguments, achievements, and encouragement. But I am so glad that it is over.
I went back to Onething this year.... and honestly am just now processing it all.
To all who don't know. Onething is a conference the last 4 days of the year in Kansas City, MO. There 30,000 lovers of Jesus come and worship, pray, and seek His face. You meet totally strangers, and yet siblings in Christ. Last year at Onething 2013, I got filled with the Holy Spirit and it was awesome. This is I was so anxious (in a good way) to be there and to just take time away from everything and devote those to Him, and to love those He loves. Here are just a few highlights from this year.
I. The edification and encouragement of the body- It always makes me so happy to think about people all over the world loving and seeking after Jesus. And to just look around and see 30,000 people worship, and praying to the same God that you are is so encouraging. You get to meet and talk to various amounts of people (from all over the world) and hear their testimony, and see what The Lord is doing in their heart! God is moving mightily through people's lives and I never really can see outside my bubble where I live until I go to Onething and talk to random but not so random strangers. During those 4 days I get to just bless other people by just listening to the heart of The Father.
II. Worship- I had to make this a section of its own. Worship there is so...AH! I feel completely undone when I worship there. Its loud, its powerful, its mighty. Also it is really cool to see other people undone during worship and worshiping the way they were created to. AH is all i can say....
III. Teachings- I honestly could just get encouraged by the teachings alone. So many speakers...so little time. The teachings that are always taught are always something that I need. God just seems to work like that. Because He is awesome. Also, there were breakout sessions that we amazing!!! I'm just gonna leave it there.
IV. Spontaneous meet ups- With a group of 30,000 charismatic Christians you never really know what is going to happen. One day after a session me and my best friend saw a group of people in a hallway just worshiping. So we stayed. It ended up being a wonderful worship set that no one saw coming. People just crying out to The Lord and thanking Him. It was great just being apart of something so random, yet something so beautiful.
I am sure that I could keep going on and on, but that is where I am going to leave that.
2015.
2015
2015.
In all honesty I have no idea what The Lord has for me this year, but I know a few things are promised:
Joy
Suffering
Arguments
Frustration
Bliss
Contentment
These things I know for sure.
But I am not scared....well kinda.
I think with me, its just looking to Jesus during these times. It is looking to the One that created me, shaped me, molded me, the One who knows everything about me, to see how to handle these moments.
So yeah.
I am leaving this year all up to God. Whatever He wants to say, whatever He wants to do. He can have His way.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
REPENTANCE..
Yeah...I think the name of the post says whats been going on this past week. Well at least Wednesday-now. The beginning of the week started out great, my kids were okay at both jobs, and my personal life was good. But then week started to shift into a spiral that I did not even see coming. As the days kept going my kids behavior started to shift and so did my patience.It was a real struggle making it to Friday. But I did...yet my personal life started to shake as well. (Sometimes I just need a break).
To be really honest:I often feel like people don't care about me, like I care about them, not in feelings, not in worth, not in a friend, not in anything. And that has broken me these past few days. Because I try to treat people right, love them, and care for them. Not saying at all that I am perfect. So it really crushes me when I feel as though I'm not cared about (but that may just be my own problem).
But I did realize that I hadn't read my bible in a couple of days. Which should not happen. I need to have time with MY SAVIOR, MY DAD. I feel as though if I would have spent time with Him more then I could have handled everything in my life better this week. So now it's November 1st, snowing outside (super excited about that), and I found myself clinging to the Bible. Reading through Luke 3, I found this commentary by Matthew Henry, "By the fruits of repentance it will be known whether it be sincere or no. By the change of our way must be evidenced the change of our mind.5. If we be not really holy, both in heart and life, our profession of religion and relation to God and his church will stand us in no stead at all."
Talk about a blow through my chest. So letting my pride go...
In Jesus Name,
Amen
To be really honest:I often feel like people don't care about me, like I care about them, not in feelings, not in worth, not in a friend, not in anything. And that has broken me these past few days. Because I try to treat people right, love them, and care for them. Not saying at all that I am perfect. So it really crushes me when I feel as though I'm not cared about (but that may just be my own problem).
But I did realize that I hadn't read my bible in a couple of days. Which should not happen. I need to have time with MY SAVIOR, MY DAD. I feel as though if I would have spent time with Him more then I could have handled everything in my life better this week. So now it's November 1st, snowing outside (super excited about that), and I found myself clinging to the Bible. Reading through Luke 3, I found this commentary by Matthew Henry, "By the fruits of repentance it will be known whether it be sincere or no. By the change of our way must be evidenced the change of our mind.5. If we be not really holy, both in heart and life, our profession of religion and relation to God and his church will stand us in no stead at all."
Talk about a blow through my chest. So letting my pride go...
Lord,
I am so sorry for not being with us with week like I should have. I should have YOUR word written on my heart and I didn't even give you a second glance this week. God i am so sorry how I treated my kids. They deserve LOVE, and I didn't give them all of my Your love this week. I am so sorry for treating the people in my life like I hated them. Lord help me not to stay isolated, but to be around community. God, change me, mold me, make me to look like you. God I;m so sorry for not spending time with my family when I should. Lord please help me! I need you, I love you. Jesus, make this day about You.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
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