The Faithful One.

Whew.
Geez.
Blah.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

That is really how I feel. 
in this moment.
in time. 
this week. 
right now. 

Tears are flowing.
As always,
The norm.

Tears for me may not always be major, but its how I express myself.
Its how I show:
I care
I'm scared
I'm happy
I'm disappointed 
I'm emotional

&& I'm sure If you have known me for a while. It seems like my tears are irrelevant.

But there not.

They mean something.

Something more than anyone will ever know. 

And for me, just to stop crying and (suck it up) is not something that I can do overnight or a week. Its a long process for me to just up and stop something that I do a lot.

The reason that I cry so much is because I wasn't allowed to when I was younger. The only time I could cry would be because there was death in our family. Other than that tears were not permitted.

Now I cry all the time.
All. The. Time.

Its my way of processing, getting over, and trying to understand whats going on.

Here is where God comes in. 

Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time. 
that I cry God is always there. Always there to pick me up and hold me.
Reminding me that my reward is in Heaven and people are people.

What a beautiful God He really is.

This post was really suppose to be about my week, but things changed.

Beautiful God. Beautiful God. 

When I think of how beautiful, marvelous, glorious, precious, etc. He is.
HE IS ALL OF THESE THINGS & MORE. 

I am absolutely speechless by Him, all the time,

No matter how much, how hard, how ugly I cry, He is still there.

And He is still God.

That is what I have to put my trust in.

The faithful One.