Whew.
Geez.
Blah.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
That is really how I feel.
in this moment.
in time.
this week.
right now.
Tears are flowing.
As always,
The norm.
Tears for me may not always be major, but its how I express myself.
Its how I show:
I care
I'm scared
I'm happy
I'm disappointed
I'm emotional
&& I'm sure If you have known me for a while. It seems like my tears are irrelevant.
But there not.
They mean something.
Something more than anyone will ever know.
And for me, just to stop crying and (suck it up) is not something that I can do overnight or a week. Its a long process for me to just up and stop something that I do a lot.
The reason that I cry so much is because I wasn't allowed to when I was younger. The only time I could cry would be because there was death in our family. Other than that tears were not permitted.
Now I cry all the time.
All. The. Time.
Its my way of processing, getting over, and trying to understand whats going on.
Here is where God comes in.
Every time. Every time. Every time. Every time.
that I cry God is always there. Always there to pick me up and hold me.
Reminding me that my reward is in Heaven and people are people.
What a beautiful God He really is.
This post was really suppose to be about my week, but things changed.
Beautiful God. Beautiful God.
When I think of how beautiful, marvelous, glorious, precious, etc. He is.
HE IS ALL OF THESE THINGS & MORE.
I am absolutely speechless by Him, all the time,
No matter how much, how hard, how ugly I cry, He is still there.
And He is still God.
That is what I have to put my trust in.
The faithful One.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Monday, January 5, 2015
Processing it all.
Well honest moment: I have neglected you blog. I love you. I really do. But sometimes I just forget!
Now. Now.
It is the start of the new year. 2015.....
2014 was a year of arguments, achievements, and encouragement. But I am so glad that it is over.
I went back to Onething this year.... and honestly am just now processing it all.
To all who don't know. Onething is a conference the last 4 days of the year in Kansas City, MO. There 30,000 lovers of Jesus come and worship, pray, and seek His face. You meet totally strangers, and yet siblings in Christ. Last year at Onething 2013, I got filled with the Holy Spirit and it was awesome. This is I was so anxious (in a good way) to be there and to just take time away from everything and devote those to Him, and to love those He loves. Here are just a few highlights from this year.
I. The edification and encouragement of the body- It always makes me so happy to think about people all over the world loving and seeking after Jesus. And to just look around and see 30,000 people worship, and praying to the same God that you are is so encouraging. You get to meet and talk to various amounts of people (from all over the world) and hear their testimony, and see what The Lord is doing in their heart! God is moving mightily through people's lives and I never really can see outside my bubble where I live until I go to Onething and talk to random but not so random strangers. During those 4 days I get to just bless other people by just listening to the heart of The Father.
II. Worship- I had to make this a section of its own. Worship there is so...AH! I feel completely undone when I worship there. Its loud, its powerful, its mighty. Also it is really cool to see other people undone during worship and worshiping the way they were created to. AH is all i can say....
III. Teachings- I honestly could just get encouraged by the teachings alone. So many speakers...so little time. The teachings that are always taught are always something that I need. God just seems to work like that. Because He is awesome. Also, there were breakout sessions that we amazing!!! I'm just gonna leave it there.
IV. Spontaneous meet ups- With a group of 30,000 charismatic Christians you never really know what is going to happen. One day after a session me and my best friend saw a group of people in a hallway just worshiping. So we stayed. It ended up being a wonderful worship set that no one saw coming. People just crying out to The Lord and thanking Him. It was great just being apart of something so random, yet something so beautiful.
I am sure that I could keep going on and on, but that is where I am going to leave that.
2015.
2015
2015.
In all honesty I have no idea what The Lord has for me this year, but I know a few things are promised:
Joy
Suffering
Arguments
Frustration
Bliss
Contentment
These things I know for sure.
But I am not scared....well kinda.
I think with me, its just looking to Jesus during these times. It is looking to the One that created me, shaped me, molded me, the One who knows everything about me, to see how to handle these moments.
So yeah.
I am leaving this year all up to God. Whatever He wants to say, whatever He wants to do. He can have His way.
Now. Now.
It is the start of the new year. 2015.....
2014 was a year of arguments, achievements, and encouragement. But I am so glad that it is over.
I went back to Onething this year.... and honestly am just now processing it all.
To all who don't know. Onething is a conference the last 4 days of the year in Kansas City, MO. There 30,000 lovers of Jesus come and worship, pray, and seek His face. You meet totally strangers, and yet siblings in Christ. Last year at Onething 2013, I got filled with the Holy Spirit and it was awesome. This is I was so anxious (in a good way) to be there and to just take time away from everything and devote those to Him, and to love those He loves. Here are just a few highlights from this year.
I. The edification and encouragement of the body- It always makes me so happy to think about people all over the world loving and seeking after Jesus. And to just look around and see 30,000 people worship, and praying to the same God that you are is so encouraging. You get to meet and talk to various amounts of people (from all over the world) and hear their testimony, and see what The Lord is doing in their heart! God is moving mightily through people's lives and I never really can see outside my bubble where I live until I go to Onething and talk to random but not so random strangers. During those 4 days I get to just bless other people by just listening to the heart of The Father.
II. Worship- I had to make this a section of its own. Worship there is so...AH! I feel completely undone when I worship there. Its loud, its powerful, its mighty. Also it is really cool to see other people undone during worship and worshiping the way they were created to. AH is all i can say....
III. Teachings- I honestly could just get encouraged by the teachings alone. So many speakers...so little time. The teachings that are always taught are always something that I need. God just seems to work like that. Because He is awesome. Also, there were breakout sessions that we amazing!!! I'm just gonna leave it there.
IV. Spontaneous meet ups- With a group of 30,000 charismatic Christians you never really know what is going to happen. One day after a session me and my best friend saw a group of people in a hallway just worshiping. So we stayed. It ended up being a wonderful worship set that no one saw coming. People just crying out to The Lord and thanking Him. It was great just being apart of something so random, yet something so beautiful.
I am sure that I could keep going on and on, but that is where I am going to leave that.
2015.
2015
2015.
In all honesty I have no idea what The Lord has for me this year, but I know a few things are promised:
Joy
Suffering
Arguments
Frustration
Bliss
Contentment
These things I know for sure.
But I am not scared....well kinda.
I think with me, its just looking to Jesus during these times. It is looking to the One that created me, shaped me, molded me, the One who knows everything about me, to see how to handle these moments.
So yeah.
I am leaving this year all up to God. Whatever He wants to say, whatever He wants to do. He can have His way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)