REPENTANCE..

Yeah...I think the name of the post says whats been going on this past week. Well at least Wednesday-now. The beginning of the week started out great, my kids were okay at both jobs, and my personal life was good. But then week started to shift into a spiral that I did not even see coming. As the days kept going my kids behavior started to shift and so did my patience.It was a real struggle making it to Friday. But I did...yet my personal life started to shake as well. (Sometimes I just need a break). 

To be really honest:I often feel like people don't  care about me, like I care about them, not in feelings, not in worth, not in a friend, not in anything. And that has broken me these past few days. Because I try to treat people right, love them, and care for them. Not saying at all that I am perfect. So it really crushes me when I feel as though I'm not cared about (but that may just be my own problem). 

But I did realize that I hadn't read my bible in a couple of days. Which should not happen. I need to have time with MY SAVIOR, MY DAD. I feel as though if I would have spent time with Him more then I could have handled everything in my life better this week. So now it's November 1st, snowing outside (super excited about that), and I found myself clinging to the Bible. Reading through Luke 3, I found this commentary by Matthew Henry, "By the fruits of repentance it will be known whether it be sincere or no. By the change of our way must be evidenced the change of our mind.5. If we be not really holy, both in heart and life, our profession of religion and relation to God and his church will stand us in no stead at all."

 Talk about a blow through my chest. So letting my pride go...
             

               Lord, 

                 I am so sorry for not being with us with week like I should have. I should have YOUR word written on my heart and I didn't even give you a second glance this week. God i am so sorry how I treated my kids. They deserve LOVE, and I didn't give them all of my  Your love this week. I am so sorry for treating the people in my life like I hated them. Lord help me not to stay isolated, but to be around community. God, change me, mold me, make me to look like you. God I;m so sorry for not spending time with my family when I should. Lord please help me! I need you, I love you. Jesus, make this day about You. 

                                                        In Jesus Name, 
                                                                Amen 

Fall afresh on me...

"Did you not know I was about my father's business" -Luke 2:49

Recently, I have really been struggling with The Lord, just sinning to sin. Sexual immorality, prideful, and hatred is just scratching the surface. But about a week or so ago my roommate and friend had prayed over me. Because with me, I don't really like to tell people what I am struggling with, just that i'm struggling. I don't want people to be disappointed with me, and think that all I do is sin (but that is really what I do because I'm human, and not perfect). Anyways both of these women prayed over me and my roommate made a statement which said that God said "Am I not bigger than your struggles?" Well of course my heart just breaks into a million pieces, because of the fact : JESUS ALWAYS MAKES A WAY TO ESCAPE! It was just that I wasn't taking the way out and just drowning in my sin, then getting upset with myself afterwards. 

I let that sit on me for a while and just remember to use the escape plan. So for the past week I have been finding escape plans and using them. But then I realized that I hadn't read my bible in a long time.  So with this past Sunday I decided to pick up my bible. I had been struggling where to read, then I just decided [go to the gospels] so I went to Luke. While reading Luke, I got Inspired. Never in the history of my walk with Jesus have I ever been inspired by the bible like I was then. It just made me feel rejuvenated about my love Christ all over again. Also I have been reading Matthew Henry's commentary and it has really helped. I am starting to love the bible all over again and it is just beautiful. 

Also, both of my jobs have been going really good this week. Jesus has really been giving me grace, compassion, and the ability to love my kids. So i am so grateful for my jobs and that I can show Christ through them. 

While reading through Luke 2, I can across this verse (the one at the top) and really just set me back. Because we (as lovers of Christ) we should be about our Father's business.  We should know in our heart that Jesus has a plan for our lives, and that we should be striving for His character, nature, and what He would do. It is so important not to get caught up in the world and what the world has to offer because it is WORTHLESS. The way of the world is crooked and perverse, and we are suppose to be the light, the salt, the city on a hill. And if we are getting caught up in the world then we are not being about His business. So I just encourage you and myself to really stay focused on Him and what He wants to do in and through you! .